A Little Corner of Heaven
by emmargh3211
Summary: Ever felt that Carlisle and Esme never got to tell their story fully? Esme/Carlisle form the beginning, using the little bits of info SM gave us. First fanfic, rated T just incase. All cannon pairings. Please R and R!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey guys, this is my first ever fanfic so I hope you like it. Even if not, I'd still appreciate reviews. Constructive criticism is always good...I want as much of it as possible so that I can improve as much as possible :) Anyways, I'll stop blabberling now, pleeeeease R & R though, thanks!_

* * *

A little piece of heaven. 

_Carlisle PoV_

My day was coming to a close; it was 5.25am and I was filling out the last of my load of paperwork for the night. Being able to think and write at super-human speed came in extremely handy at insanely busy times like these at the hospital, though no-one else knew of my cheating, or supernatural ways. I'd been working at Columbus district hospital now for 7 months and had become quite the attraction with many of the female nurses. This, however, often disturbed me and made me feel uncomfortable, not to mention, it distracted me from my work. If it was possible, I would've preferred to work constantly; but for obvious reasons I couldn't. I had thought about working full time at two hospitals, alternating shifts so that I only took time out to hunt. But I had other responsibilities; Edward got lonely enough with me working normal shifts.

Edward sometimes accompanied me to work, claiming to be volunteering as part of his college degree; the reality was that sometimes I just needed another of our kind to watch out for me, someone present who understood. But today he stayed at home by himself; recently he'd been having difficulties containing himself around humans. He claimed it was because he didn't like the options on the food menu down here as much as he had in Canada. But I had my reservations about that explanation; my prognosis for his strange behaviour was that he was having second thoughts about our lives as "vegetarians", having a bit of a teenage rebellion, if you like. It had only been three years since I had turned Edward, and though he was through the worst part of eternity as a vampire, there were always bound to be teething problems. I did worry about my son though; I hoped he was not in pain because of his aversion to disappointing me, all I wanted was his safety and for him to find happiness.

"What will be will be, Carlisle…" I sighed and mumbled to myself, probably too low a pitch and fast for human ears to pick up, even if there had been any around. I walked out through my office door, flicking the lights as I went and slowly turned into the main foyer of the Emergency room. I'd been working the night shift out of convenience. Although it was mostly cloudy this time of year and almost every day passed by without a hint of sunlight, I didn't like to take chances. If I started taking days off because of a nice day, people would either start getting suspicious about _what_ I really am, or think I was merely faining sickness in order to enjoy the sun. Either one was inacceptable in my eyes; we had just got settled down here. The longer we managed to keep our secret and blend in, the longer we could stay in one place.

I continued on and took the long corridor towards the morgue; I had to drop off some patient's notes before the end of my shift for them to go over. It was as I was pondering over the many thoughts flittering around my brain that I entered the main area of the morgue and saw Michael standing over a stretcher. I presumed this poor patient had recently died, but shortly after entering the room, I heard one tiny thud, followed by another a few seconds afterwards. I paused to make sure I was hearing correctly, though I'd never been wrong before. Michael's heart-beat was clear and regular, I could hear his heart perfectly and obviously my heart no longer beat. I could smell the blood being pumped ever so slightly through this patient's veins and realised at once that this poor person lying on the stretcher was still hanging on to life. Michael interrupted my stream of silent consciousness:

"Poor woman, eh Carlisle? Paramedics brought her straight down here a few minutes ago, didn't even bother hassling you guys. Too late for her, pronounced dead on arrival. Apparently some guy walking his dogs found her at the bottom of a cliff…sounds like she tried to off herself to me." He trailed off when I failed to answer; instead I gulped and nodded half-heartedly in his direction. Because I had just seen _her_. I was psychically unable to take my eyes from her face.

The reason for my living, for me being put on this earth, surely. She was so fragile, yet her heart kept beating, it was almost unbelievable that she should endure such pain and still make it through fighting now. Her body was covered with the typical blue medical sheet but I already knew her injuries would be horrific. I wasn't so stunned by the paramedics or Michael's failure to realise that although her condition was dire, she was still alive. It had happened before; but this time I was stunned by how utterly captivated I was by her. Her face took over my senses and it felt as though my entire universe has shifted slightly, but so very, very significantly. In that one moment everything I had been searching for fell into place and a fuzzy haze covered me from head to toe. I swear I felt my cold, dead heart swell a fraction of an inch. My breath caught in my throat…and I was in love.

I don't know how, or why, it happened. I had never believed in so-called "love at first sight", I thought it to be only for the naïve and shallowest of people; those who were so easily affected by a pretty face. Her face, the only one I had any desire to lay my eyes upon for the rest of my existence, screamed a million words. They crashed into me like a tidal wave of emotion, a human would have grabbed onto the side of something to hold themselves upright. A thousand feelings jolted through my dead, tight veins and I felt re-born. The most predominant of them all was a possessive instinct to protect her, forever, no matter what it took. It sounds ridiculous, cliché and over-dramatic, and I would have thought the same before that second. But I knew I would spend the rest of eternity loving, protecting and honouring this woman I didn't even know the name of.

She was perfect, absolutely incredible. I was rendered breathless and if my heart was able to break, it would have. I knew her; I knew she was the person I loved entirely on this planet, even before I laid eyes on her. But also, I knew her from somewhere; I could swear I had seen her before. I could hear from her faint heart-beat that she was barely holding on, that she would die very quickly. I felt so helpless for her, so utterly sad; had she tried to kill herself? Why? What or who could have possibly hurt this vision of perfection in front of me, so greatly that she wished to end her own life?

It was in that moment that I realised what I intended, what I needed to do. I would turn her. Turn her into one of us, I would bite her, let my venom pass through her veins, put her through all that unbearable pain and make her one of us. I would make her like me and Edward. I would kill her. It was the only way to save her; and right now, that's all my mind would focus on. I tried to convince myself that it was because I wanted to save this beautiful woman, to give her another chance at life. But I knew the truth, deep down inside: this was a purely selfish act. My intentions were mainly to keep her alive, yes. But because I wanted to know her, to know what hurt her so much, I wanted to touch her, see her smile. Oh, I so badly wanted to see her smile. I wanted ever so badly for her to be part of my life.

Although all my thoughts only took a matter of seconds to process, I realised that Michael was waiting for me to say something and stop acting like a crazed, obsessed, sick fool who was staring quite disturbingly at what he thought was a dead, mangled woman.

_Shoot. I have to lie. I hate doing that…_

I walked briskly over to where she was laid and pulled back the blue cotton sheet that was draped over her lifeless body. I almost recoiled in horror. I had expected a monstrosity, but not to this extent; even thinking or trying to describe how her limbs were contorted is too hard to bear. I gulped back my sudden wave of horror and covered her back up.

"I don't think there was anything we could have done anyway. Poor, poor woman…" My voice trailed off and with that Michael nodded, sighed and took the files out of my hand that I had completely forgotten about, he got back to work. It's what we do, what you have to do in a hospital; you detach yourself and get on with your job. But not this time, that was simply impossible; what I was about to do was certainly not written in my contract as an obligation of the job. In fact, it was strictly against the rules. Part of me wondered if I should just let this sleeping beauty slip under, allow her to die after all this pain she was put through, to put her out of her suffering, for I knew that if I chose my selfish path she would face much worse pain in the next few days.

* * *

I told Michael that I would wait with the body until the family arrived, to explain her injuries and console them, whilst he went to process the files I had given him. What I actually did was shocking even to me, I had no plan, or even any rational thoughts about how to handle this; all I knew was that I _needed_ her to be ok. So I snatched her, like some obsessed stalker…and I ran. I ran faster than I even thought possible, faster than I had ever seen Edward sprint and he was by far much quicker than me. I practically flew, so fast that no human eyes would be able to see me; especially not in the husky darkness of early morning. Night is at its darkest just moments before dawn breaks, after all. All the way home I kept my eyes glued to her face, my ears listening only for her heart-beat, she consumed me, completely and fully. I felt as though nothing could stop me, nothing else mattered, as long as I saved my Esme.

I had hurriedly dug around the morgue looking for her notes, finding them within a matter of milliseconds. She was Esme Anne Evenson, but when I first saw her at the tender age of 16, she had been Esme Anne Platt; I remember her captivating me then. She had fallen out of a tree, breaking her leg, but whilst I examined her she apologised almost constantly for taking up so much of my time. I chuckled under my breath remembering her, those ten years ago; it seemed like only yesterday.

_EDWARD! Help me get her strapped to the bed, I'll explain everything later!_

I only thought what I wanted to scream out of convenience and for Esme's sake; I didn't want to scare her if she by some miracle could hear what was going on around her. Edward merely nodded, he trusted me with his life, even from the first moment, even though I had put him through so much pain and presented him with such a terrifying fate at such a young age. He trusted and listened to me from the first second. I could see the excitement burning through his golden eyes as he strapped my Esme down. He stared down intently at her face, his golden eyes dancing, as if they were flickers of fire.

"She looks like my mother used to…" He almost whimpered, but then composed himself, I knew it was hard for him losing all his family; he was still coming to terms with this new life. "What has happened Carlisle? Did you find her like this?" There was pain in his voice, but nothing to the degree of which I felt at that very moment. Edward was such a sensitive creature, perhaps because he could hear into the very corners of one's mind, he knew everyone's secrets.

I explained faster than the speed of light in my mind and he simply replied with "Oh, I see." His brow was furrowed as his eyes darted from me to Esme. "Carlisle, I can't hear her thoughts, it's just wordless pain and darkness. If you're going to do this, it has to be now!" He exclaimed, the panic mixed with excitement clear in his voice.

"I know son, I know. Just give me a second, you know how difficult this will be. And Edward" I gestured and rested a hand on his shoulder, "If this is too much for you, please don't feel embarrassed. You can leave at any moment, you know the last thing I want is to make you feel –"

"Carlisle, calm down" he interrupted me with a sly grin and nodded in Esme's direction.

It was now or never; I couldn't stand the image in front of my eyes any longer, but nor could I stand the thought of inflicting such pain to this fragile, delicate, beautiful woman who lay before me. If it were possible for me to feel her pain for her, I would have gladly taken it, a hundred times worse. I would have burned for her, I would have done anything, and I still would.

I sighed and resigned myself to the fact I had to do this, there was no going back now. But my mind still struggled against me, it would not matter what decision I made, I was torn between my selfishness and my morals.

I think it's safe to say, we all know which one won.

I leant down over her beautiful face, swept her golden brown hair from her face and whispered "Esme, I am so eternally sorry". I braced myself for the blood-rush I would feel after biting her; although my 200 years of abstinence helped a great deal with my general thirst, sinking my teeth into flesh flowing with blood was a different matter. It had been insanely difficult after biting Edward. But I knew this time would prove to be easier, or at least I hoped.

With a large exhale, I lowered myself to Esme's throat, my lips lingered on her skin a little longer than was necessary. And then I was engulfed with the taste of her intoxicating blood...

* * *

_So what did you think guys? Please review! _


	2. Chapter 2

A little piece of heaven – chapter two

Esme PoV

The pain had been excruciating, more than what I remembered from when I must've hit the rocky ground. I recall thinking I was in hell, being punished for my sins, for committing suicide. It sure felt like hell was meant to; my skin felt on fire, every part of me did. I was too afraid to move or open my eyes in case I disintegrated into a pile of ash.

"Oh Esme…Esme" I heard a muffled whispering from beside me and my eyes flashed open, no longer afraid of what might be.

I saw his face, and though it was almost impossible to focus on anything but the searing pain, like rat poison in my veins, I was confused. He must be the devil himself, the one inflicting this pain on me. It was his fault, surely?

This devil though, could not be so. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes upon; but this was not a first encounter. Hazy thoughts flashed through my mind. Dr. Cullen. I had a crush on him when I was 16 years old. His eyes met mine and they reflected the pain I felt burning me from the inside out.

With that, another surge of pain hit me like a train and I screamed out in agony, my body contorting around on the bed I was strapped to. I threw myself from side to side, snarling, biting, clawing, and screeching. My eyes rolled back in my head. Every part of my body was on fire, but there were no flames, no smoke, and no sign that my pain was even real. Was I insane? Had they brought me to an insane asylum when I'd tried to kill myself?

No. It was too real. I felt the sudden sensation of someone stroking my hand gently; Dr. Cullen was bent over in his chair, next to my prison of a bed, his head down, resting on the side of the metal framework. He looked in as much agony as I probably did. Either way, I didn't care. I dug my nails into his hand so hard I was utterly shocked to see that firstly he did not move his hand instantly and cry out in pain, and that secondly, I did not draw blood.

It held no significance; I could only concentrate on the pain. I kept scratching, clawing like a feral animal. Thoughts came and went, but I had no inclination of time. There was no concept of how long this had lasted or how long it would continue. The pain surged through me, I felt my heart in my chest, so loud it sounded like it was trying to burst out through my ears. I was engulfed in a ball of invisible flames, they clawed like demons from my burning throat, down my arms, over my heart, all the way down to my toes.

Carlisle never moved from my side. I wondered why; was he such a sadistic, revolting monster that he enjoyed watching this? My thoughts were so jumbled, I only caught a few brief seconds every now and then of clarity, where I could perhaps focus slightly on something other than the incessant, flesh-ripping pain that was burning holes in me. My eyes darted to the Dr., still crouched over in the same position as before, still holding my hand despite the pain I must have inflicted on him…and it all clicked into place.

He was not the devil. Not evil or sadistic, he certainly did not enjoy this. He was trying to help, trying to console me, I didn't know why. But at that point my thoughts were interrupted with another surge of unimaginable pain. It kept up like this for what seemed like eternity; I had stopped trying to fling myself around off the bed, and tried very hard to stop screaming at the top of my lungs. I had realised it did not help: no matter how loud I screamed, nothing eased. So I gave up, laying there motionless, except for my body's quivers and twitches when a fresh wave of pain assaulted me.

This hurt more than anything I can describe, there are no words to adequately explain the sheer terror and agony convulsing through my body, taking me over. It started to ease though, very gradually. First my fingertips stopped burning, then my toes, but the inferno in my throat and heart only grew worse, perhaps it was spreading.

Though I knew I should be weak, frail and unable to even keep my eyes open, I felt the pain empower me. I clawed holes in the flimsy sheet covering the bed, tearing shreds of it up in my hands, letting them fall all around me.

Then the pain transformed again. I didn't think it could possibly get any worse, but it did. I was unaware of pain anywhere other than my heart, although I suspect it was probably still attacking me everywhere. I felt as though someone had shoved their hand through my chest, ripped out my heart and tore it into a million pieces. I screamed out loud, my back arching, spasms travelling down my spine giving me the first cool feeling in what felt like an eternity.

My scream shocked me a little bit; I had made no sound except for little whimpers here and there for a long time. Obviously it shocked Dr. Cullen aswel, his frantic hands dashed around over my body, searching for somewhere to place them to help me; I saw the desperation to help me in his eyes, in his every movement. I was glad he was there. Glad I wasn't alone.

"Esme, it'll all be over soon, very soon…I promise. The pain will be gone, I promise, I promise…Esme…Esme…I promise…" The Doctor's voice trailed in and out of my ears, I blacked out then regained consciousness over and over again. I wondered why I hadn't passed out from the pain before, but with that, everything went peacefully dark, the only thing I could feel was the ripping of my heart. If I had thought it had broken before, I was wrong. Now I knew what it felt like.

It stopped. As quickly as it started, everything stopped. My eyes shot open.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry it's been a while coming guys, I promise to update sooner now. But please, pretty pretty please, just review? I've had waaaay more hits than reviews; I don't want to beg, but it only takes a few seconds to quickly type a few words. Thankyou again to those of you have been reviewing, it means a lot :)__ anyways, enjoy my pretties!_

* * *

Carlisle PoV

Esme's transformation was almost over; her heart beat so fast any human would simply deem it impossible. Then its beating stopped and I knew she was out of her pain, the pain I inflicted on her. I was a monster, I wanted to die, just like I had in the early days when I realised what I was. But a small part of me wanted to keep going, for her.

Her eyes darted open and with a flash so sudden even I only just caught it, I was slammed up against the wall, the bed flying into the one now opposite me. Esme's face was merely inches from mine, her teeth bared, snarling. She panted heavily, though she did not need the oxygen, not now. Edward darted into the room, throwing himself towards her.

_NO!_ My thought boomed and echoed in my mind. Edward froze as still as ice, his face contorted into the frown I had grown so accustomed to in the past few weeks; but his dancing, flickering eyes gave his morbid cover away.

"Edward, this is very important" I carefully nudged, so as not to scare Esme more. "Do not move or make any sudden movements; Esme is confused and obviously intimidated enough. Now…Esme, love…" I turned myself to gaze in wonder at her radiantly stunning oval face, forcing myself to hold back a gasp now I saw her fully transformed for the first time. Captivating.

"Who are you? Where am I? _What_ am I? What did you _do_ to me? Why was I on fire? Why does my throat still burn?" Her eyes darted all over the room, searching for any hidden danger, the instincts had kicked in the moment her heart stopped and she became one of us. I had expected it after Edward's transformation, though he did not react half as drastically as Esme did now. He did not know it instantly at the time, but his gift must have unconsciously assured him I only had the best of intentions.

Edward let out a low chuckle from behind Esme, who was now crouching in a defensive stance, ready to pounce. She looked to ultimately different from the completely lifeless, helpless, fragile woman that lay before me only three days before. Her eyes were

"Esme" I pleaded, "please, calm down. I know it is very difficult and you have no reason to trust us, but please. I swear, we are not going to hurt you." Her eyes narrowed, but she slowly straightened out of her aggressive posture.

I began to explain, as slowly and simply as I thought appropriate without sounding too patronising. She stood there in complete silence, so still I thought she had turned to stone before my very eyes. To my surprise, she did not recoil in horror as I muttered to word "vampire", instead staring intently at my face the whole time. When I had finished she simply said:

"Can we get rid of the fire in my throat now please, Dr. Cullen?" Her voice sounded so innocent, as if it belonged to a child, not a full grown woman. I grinned; a little too wide and tentatively stepped forward, reaching for her hand. Edward shot me an enthusiastic glance, followed by a wide grin when Esme took my hand in hers'.

I re-composed myself and lead us to the window.

Then and there, my life truly began.

* * *

_It's a little bit shorter than the other two, I know, I know...but I felt this chapter needed to end here and the next one isn't quite finished yet. Perhaps if I get a few more reviews this time it'll motivate me into finishing it off faster...REVIEW! Thanks._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Hey kiddies =D sorry for the delay, college is crazy at the moment. Life always gets in the way, dammit! Anyways, I hope you love me long time, this is quite a long update, and it was quite difficult to write, for some reason 0_o Right, just wanna clear something up, quite a few people have been saying they're really looking forward to what's going to happen. The story is pretty much canon in almost every way, i'm sticking to what SM told us, though it's very little so I have quite a lot to play with :D Just making sure you all know that nothing drastic is going to happen that would seriously affect the real "Twilight" saga. So nothing crazy like Edward murders Carlisle, or anything sickening like Edward and Esme get it on. Nothing crazy...though I am going to push the boundaries just a little tiny bit :P Ok, I've blabbed enough:_

_ Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter five.**

"I'll kill him. I'll kill that son of a-" Edward roared from downstairs.

I had moved from my office on the third floor of our new country house to stand in front of Edward, but he was gone by the time I reached the spot he should have been standing in. A flash of air, moving so quickly even _my_ eyes didn't register in time, darted silently out the open patio doors. He was heading towards the forest just behind our house, to run I supposed, that's what usually made him feel better if he was in a crabby mood. Then I heard Edward uproot a tree, or at least a large part of one, and hurl it through the forest. It either collided with the earth or another cluster of trees a few moments later because the sound it emitted was outrageous. He then snarled viciously and did the same again.

It was a good job we always tried to acquire a house as far away as possible from the rest of the population of the town, this time being no different. Hopefully Edward's tantrum wouldn't have alarmed too many locals.

I sighed and allowed my eyes to wander lazily outside while I tried to get a reign over my sudden pensive mood. He'd calm down, but I needed to know why he was so angry. Was it me? What caught my attention after the initial reaction to the outburst, however, was the sound of Esme's choked, tearless sobs from behind me.

My heart had been about to break almost every single day since I turned Esme. She was quiet, reserved, extremely apologetic and obviously unhappy. I hated myself, truly despised every cell in my being; but never as much as in that very moment. I knew if she could, she would be crying hysterically.

I dashed over to her, wrapped my arm around her shoulders and coaxed her to sit down on the couch in the middle of our living area.

"Car…Carlisle- I……I'm sorry. I- didn't" She managed to stumble out before she let her head fall into her open hands to cover her face. I watched anxiously, my heart threatening to burst from my chest at any second for not consoling her, but also for not following my son to find out what had happened. I was torn, again.

"It's ok Esme, come here sweetheart" I wrapped my hand around hers, letting my fingers gently stroke her soft skin. I didn't care if it was too forward, I didn't know what else to do. "Just calm down and tell me what happened, when you're alright to do so." I desperately tried to keep my worry, confusion and anxiety over the whole situation out of my voice and away from my expressions. Turning into a wreck was not going to help right now.

Esme sighed, and then blessed me with her gaze. Her eyes met mine, and though they were still a frightening dark shade of red and wracked with pain, every time she offered me such intimacy, I went crazy. The hazy, dream-like fog clouded over my mind and I was rendered speechless. Anyone would have thought I was actually 23, not over two hundred years old.

Unable to speak without sounding like a fool, I simply squeezed her hand re-assuringly and tried to give what I thought would probably look like a kind smile, not one that had "I'm infatuated with you" written all over it.

She exhaled sharply and began to speak. "I'd been trying to not think about it for so long, ever since you changed me. I wanted so desperately to be able to think about what I wanted, so that I could deal with it, get over it and move on. And I know it's not Edward's fault, but I pushed it to the back of my brain and blocked it out, well, I didn't want to upset either of you." She trailed off, waiting for my reaction I suppose, though I was still just as confused as beforehand.

"It's ok Esme, please continue" I added.

"I'm married." She shot her gaze to the floor, if it were possible for her to blush she would have been a beetroot. I chuckled inwardly at the image.

"I know." I stated matter-of-factly. Her face met mine once again and I was fronted with a look of complete be-dazzlement, this was, I presumed, what _I_ looked like all the time these days. "I remembered you having a different name when I saw you the first time, when you were a teenager, to now. It said you were _Mrs. _Esme Anne Evenson. I don't want you to think I was stalking you, but I just checked your files when I –" She cut me off.

"Don't worry about it Carlisle, it's fine. I understand. I best get to the point then, hadn't I?" Esme exhaled again and slightly tightened her grip on my hand. I knew this was difficult for her, since I changed her two months previously, we had never spoke about her past or her attempted suicide. I assumed if she wanted to confide in me, then she would do so in her own time. I didn't want to push her trust and make her even more nervous around me.

"I wish I had never met _him_" she sneered the words in a menacing tone that shocked me. "I wish I had never given him the time of day, but like the idiot I am, of course I did. He was a charmer, he told me he'd treat me right, that he'd always love me. How wrong I was to believe him for one second. If he did love me, then he sure had a funny way of showing me. I was swept away with the attention and we were married a few months afterwards. It was the most stupid mistake I'd ever made." Her torrent of emotion slowed towards the end.

She shot me a glance to see my reaction; I simply nodded for her to continue. But inside I was screaming. He _hurt_ her? How could anyone even contemplate harming my Esme?

I had to stop calling her mine. She was not _mine_.

Her delicate voice interrupted my stream of silent consciousness once again and I forced myself to listen more carefully now.

"I'll spare you the details. Basically, he showed his true colours once we were married. Once I _belonged_ to him. He had me trapped and I didn't know what to do. He didn't allow me to see anyone except for my mother and my aunt; I couldn't tell them, they wouldn't have understood. I was too afraid of him anyway. It went on for about a year. Then I ran away when I found out I was pregnant with our first child." She abruptly stopped here. Her face became covered in a new layer of anguish, pain and sadness.

My mind was running laps on itself; I couldn't keep up, even with all this extra storage space. I knew the second part of this story was the worst for her. Either she lost the child, or he made her give it up. I gulped un-necessarily in anticipation, yet horror, of the answer to my secret questions that was about to be revealed.

"I knew I couldn't stay when I was pregnant, I couldn't let him hurt my baby aswel. I sneaked out one day when he was at work. I'd managed to save some money up from the tiny bit he gave me every week to buy groceries with. The first few weeks were terrifying, I thought he was going to track me down and I was too scared to go outside. But I began to realise he wouldn't find me, he wouldn't hurt me again. I got a job in a library and began to make friends again. I was so excited for the arrival of my baby, I knew he was going to be a boy the moment I found out I was expecting. Joseph." She smiled weakly and clutched my hand tightly.

"I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire existence" she added. "He was beautiful, the most perfect thing I had ever seen!" Esme exclaimed.

I could picture that. If he had a fraction of Esme's beauty then he would be the most handsome boy in the world.

"But they crushed my dreams a few hours later. He was very sick. I held him in my arms three days later as he passed away, they had to force me hand him back hours later because I refused to let go when they asked. I didn't understand how something so innocent, so beautiful, could be snatched away from me, away from the world and his future. My life, the one thing I felt worth living for hand just been taken away and there was nothing I could do about it. That's why I, erm…jumped off the-" she stuttered at the end, I interrupted to save her more misery.

"Oh Esme. I am so almightily sorry, I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been, and still must be, for you. Why didn't you tell me? I would have tried to help you, no-one would be angry with you" I almost pleaded.

"Edward?" her eyes interrogated me and a fresh wave of panic coursed through my veins. I could tell she was equally concerned from the way she asked me. She had been with us for such a short period of time, yet she and Edward had become very close.

I told her this and explained about his current temperament.

"Edward has been…struggling recently. He is very attached to you and was obviously overcome by his emotions when he heard your thoughts. He thinks of you as a mother, Esme. I think we should give him a few hours then maybe try looking for him." She nodded and we both rose to stand.

Before I knew what was happening, Esme flung her arms around my neck and pulled me towards her at such a fast pace a human would have been seriously winded. I hesitated then folded my arms around her waist as she chuckled into my neck at my embarrassment and shock.

"Thank you for being here for me Carlisle. I truly appreciate all you do for us." She whispered into my hair.

My brain was still twirling, exploding and doing cart-wheels so I was unable to fully grasp what she was saying. All I could think about was her silk skin underneath my hands, pressed against my face. Her fingers and hands touching the back of my neck, sending shockwaves down my spine. I had never been hugged by a woman other than my mother before, let alone one as radiant as Esme…let alone one I was in love with. I desperately wanted to feel her lips against mine, but the thought was dragged away from me as she stiffened in my arms.

"What if Edward _does _go to find Charles?" Esme spoke so quietly my ears strained to hear her tender voice.

My heart dropped to my stomach. The panic buzzed in my ears.

We ran.

* * *

_Review __Review __Review __Review __Review __Review! Please? Thank you again to all those who have reviewed, subscribed and added this to their favourites, it means a lot :) I just wish everyone that read it would leave me just a little something. Tell me what you like, what you don't like, why you like it, why you don't like it, any suggestions or wishes for future chapters etc. Thankies. Review =)_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hey guys, thankyou for all the wonderful reviews and to everyone who've added me to their favourites etc. I really do appreciate it :) Sorry to leave you all on such a cliffhanger last time, I felt like being mean mwhahaha! Edward is quite OOC here from what we've been used to seeing in the real "Twilight" saga, but we all know he's a little over-dramatic and very emotional at times. He's a very upset, confused, angry, pubescant boy at the moment, I hope you all understand lol. Enjoy anyways :)_

* * *

**Edward PoV**

_Shit. _

I'd just destroyed at least half a dozen trees, punched a hole into the ground and almost ripped my finger nails off scratching the floor.

What I was most concerned about, however, was the fact I probably just scared the hell out of Esme.

_Shit. _

I couldn't control myself, it was worse than anything I have ever felt in my entire life, worse than the constant blood-lust, worse than the Spanish influenza, worse than my constant guilt and worry over disappointing Carlisle. Even worse than the three days of excruciating, utterly consuming pain in order to transform into this existence.

I could not bear it. I felt like ripping out my eyes, just so that I wouldn't have to see it being replayed over and over again behind them. I wanted to scream. So I did. Several times.

Esme had been keeping it out of her thoughts, or at least when I wasn't around. Generally she filled up that time thinking about mundane, every day things, or her ideas for new decoration plans. There were some things though, that she was unable to hide from me. She loved Carlisle.

She deserved someone like him, someone pure. Someone that would love, cherish and treat her right. Not like that…

There it was again. I seriously needed to rip the head off that fucking prick. Right now!

Everything had been played out to me as if I was stood right there when it happened, as if I was made to watch. Her flood gates burst open and before I even had chance to register what was happening, my mind was plagued with memories of him hitting her, spitting in her face, ripping her hair out, leaving her lying on the kitchen floor sobbing into the night while he went to go grab another beer. Telling her she was worth nothing, she would never amount to anything; her only purpose was to serve him. Memories of him laughing in her face for crying when he kneed her in the abdomen. Memories of him _raping_ her.

I dug my fingers into the base of my neck and pulled as hard as I possibly could, letting out a feral snarl as I did so.

This was too much. I had bonded with Esme so quickly, almost before she even fully transformed. Her thoughts were always, _always,_ pure. There were no negative thoughts, no viciousness directed anyone; she had no malice. She radiated goodness and innocence. Esme was born to love. I knew that instantly. In every way she was a mother. Even though I had barely known her longer than two months, even though we were not related in any way biologically, despite the fact she was only 9 years older than me physically…she was my Mom.

No-body hurt my mother like that, without paying for it anyway. I saved my anger for when I got there, I wanted him to feel the full extent of it all.

* * *

**Esme PoV**

I don't know how long it hand been since I breathed. Though we didn't technically need to breathe, it felt natural. But now I held my breath in hope that Edward did not intend to go after Charles. Not because I cared for my…_husband_, it sickened me to think that word, but because I worried about Edward. I imagined him to be like Joseph would have if he hadn't been snatched away prematurely, before he had chance to live.

My anger pushed me forwards, we began sprinting even faster and Carlisle's legs became a blur to my right. He face was strained, he was clenching his jaw; everything about him screamed "extremely concerned parent". He was frantic. Like a mother who panicked when her baby sneezed.

I reached out to take his hand and gave it a re-assuring squeeze, before letting go to dodge a tree. I felt very close to Carlisle, although he knew very little about _me _up until five minutes ago, I felt like I had known _him _all my life. He never pushed or pressured me, even though I know it must have been driving him crazy to not know a thing about who I am and was. He was so patient, loving, kind, considerate and lovely. He just so happened to be the most gorgeous man I had ever laid eyes on too. Even now, flying through the air, his fists balled up, teeth clenched tight…I struggled to tear my eyes from him. I had wanted to touch him so desperately recently, that I could not hold myself back any longer, so I flung myself at him. He probably thought I was crazy, but at least he hugged me back; I laughed because I knew it took him by such surprise. Now I'd taken the first plunge, I just didn't want to stop touching him.

"Esme, you're going to have to take it from here. Lead me to his house. Please." His voice was strained and he sounded in as much pain as he looked. I knew the 'please' was an after thought instantly brought forward by his natural kind nature.

Carlisle slowed his pace slightly to let me move ahead of him, I knew it must've killed him to slow down.

Though I knew I should be, I was not scared or apprehensive about seeing Charles again. So much had happened since then that I deemed him insignificant now; I was a new person and I didn't care what he thought. I knew Carlisle would protect me no matter what.

I laughed inwardly at the thought. I was stronger than Carlisle and Edward put together at the moment, I could break Charles' neck with one flick of my finger. Oh dear. I chastised myself for my thoughts instantly and would've blushed profoundly if it had been possible. This set me off grinning in my head once again. I don't know why I was acting like a teenage school-girl, I think I was still a little high from the fact the most handsome, insanely beautiful, most loving, intelligent, sensitive, funny, _perfect_ man had just allowed me to snuggle into his embrace and nuzzle my face into his delicious neck for at least a good 20 seconds.

I smiled dreamily then realised Carlisle's glance at my out of place expression.

"He'll be fine Carlisle. Edward might not have even had that thought, he's probably just taking some time out to calm down." I whispered into the wind.

Carlisle nodded and returned to staring ahead.

We reached the built up area in which I used to call home, where my living nightmare began. Carlisle ground to a halt behind me, still engulfed in the canopy of the forest surrounding us.

"I'm just preparing myself for what we may find" he breathed out heavily.

"Don't lose all your faith in Edward just yet Carlisle" I tried to add as soothingly as possible.

"Esme…" he turned his intense gaze on my face and I could swear those butterflies in my stomach began attacking my insides again. "I wasn't just referring to Edward. Perhaps I didn't show it as evidently as I felt it, but hearing what _he_" Carlisle spat the word, "did to you, well it stirred emotions within me." His jaw became clenched again after he attempted a kind smile in my direction.

Oh. _Oh._ He was angry at Charles too.

"Come on" he nodded towards the third house along the street. Within two seconds we were stood at the back door. I smelt his scent before I heard the muffled scream of pain.

"Edward's here!" I exclaimed. We were too late.

* * *

**Edward PoV**

I was done scaring the shit out of him; I was done breaking his fingers one by one. The very fingers and hands he used to tear my mother's world apart. I was done watching his eyes dilate in shock, horror and pain. I was finished listening to his drunken slurs and begs for me to let him go. I had wanted to cut off his fingers one by one, but I feared the blood would get to me and I would finish him off too quickly, before he suffered enough.

I took off his gag and told him to shut up, well, not in such a polite manner. My hands still firmly rested at the side of his skull.

It all happened in a flash. The door slammed against the wall and came off its hinges, dropping to the floor with an almighty thud.

"Esme?..." Charles gasped suddenly.

I swung my body around to see what he was talking about, forgetting his head gripped in my hands. The crack of his neck sent shivers down my spine, sending a quiver of excitement, followed by dread and regret afterwards. I instantly released him and watched his lifeless body slump to the floor, his eyes wide, starring at me with the same horror as earlier, his entire being frozen for eternity in that moment.

A splatter of blood traced the outline of where his head had collided with the wall when I dropped him. A trickle dribbled down the back of his hair. The fire that constantly burned in my throat now shot all over my body, as if someone had covered me from head to toe with petrol then lit a match in my mouth. The venom pooled in my mouth too quickly for me to swallow, I let it cascade out of my ravenous mouth like a starving dog. My sight was covered in a red haze. I felt myself come alive; this is what I craved, what I needed so badly.

I imagined the feel of his working arteries, still pumping fresh, hot, juicy blood around his devil veins. Still frozen on the spot, I listened to the sound of it slipping its way through his body. I stared at the pulse point at his neck, thinking of how it would feel to sink my teeth into his flesh, to drain him until he had nothing left.

I lurched forward to take what was naturally mine. What belonged to me.

Esme screamed out loud. Carlisle screamed in his head.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for reading. Review, please? Even if you hate it, tell me why, tell me how to improve, tell me what I'm doing wrong, why it isn't to your taste. C'mon people, gimme more :P_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: 'Ello chums =) Hope you enjoy all the drama and crazyness going on in the Cullen household at the moment...and Emmett has even turned up yet hahaha! Review please my lovelies!_

* * *

**Carlisle PoV**

I started on in horror at the image of my son standing before the bleeding body of a man he had just tortured and then killed. He stared intently, like I did, the only difference was, he seemed to enjoy looking, whereas I most certainly did not.

Esme's screams of shock next to me yanked me from my trance. I grabbed her by the waist and practically flew outside the house. The last thing I needed was Esme, a newborn, around her violent husband's dead, bleeding body. She would feel such guilt afterwards, it would tear us all apart.

She struggled against my grip. When I looked into her eyes however, they were surprisingly engulfed with horror, shock, sadness and worry, rather than bloodlust.

"Esme" I cooed. She struggled again and this time broke free, she made three steps before I reached for her waist again, a little too roughly obviously. We ended up on the floor.

"Carlisle! Get off me! We have to go help him, we have to go stop him. We can't just let this-" she frantically screamed. The words came so fast that I barely managed to decipher them before she was clawing at my grasp and wriggling her legs away from me as if I was attacking her.

"Esme!" I exclaimed, a little harsher than before. "There is nothing we can do to stop him. If I tried to intercept then he would probably hurt both of us in his rage. It's too late." My own words hit me and I realised that this was Edwards' first slip up concerning our diet.

It'd always been difficult for him being around humans, naturally. Not just because of the cry of their blood; he struggled specifically with moving and talking at human speeds. He was the first vampire I had ever sired, so this was a very new experience for both of us. I rested my head on the ground in realisation that I probably should have explained more fully. I should have allowed him more free time, instead of watching him every second of every day. I should have guarded my negative thoughts regarding his progress or my disappointment. I should have helped him, guided him, and taught him better. I should have been a better father.

She clambered out of my grasp, dashing back through the doorless frame. I was right behind her. Edward was finished.

Esme abruptly froze still when she set eyes on the sight before her.

What shocked me the most was not Edward's torn shirt, his ripped sleeves. The blood that covered his entire face, neck, hands and part of his chest was a classic sign of a first human kill, he was so eager his teeth had ripped the artery completely, causing the blood to spurt out uncontrollably. The fact he frantically licked and sucked every drop from his fingers like a drug addict sniffing the last grain of cocaine from the floor, did not disturb me highly either. The sudden ablaze coating his eyes was to be expected too.

But the innocent, shocked, by not appalled, look on his face was not to be expected. I had prepared myself for a monstrous sly grin, or even worse, this was not what awaited me.

"You didn't tell me how good it tasted Carlisle…" He stuttered, child-like.

Everything about him said 'vulnerable'. Edward was clearly not pleased or happy with what he had just done, yet he was not ashamed or disgusted with himself. I don't think it had sunk in yet. He inspected his hands, gazing at them dreamily, as if he could not comprehend what had just happened and what was now happening to his body and mind.

Human blood empowers us, much more than drinking animals' does.

_I didn't tell you how good it supposedly tastes because I have never drank human blood._ I reminded him.

_I need to get Esme out of here Edward, she will be suffering. I would like to speak to you, will you stay here until I get back?_ I questioned carefully in my head. He was in a very impressionable mood at the moment; everything could change in the blink of an eye.

His response was to shrug casually as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

Esme was still gaping and shaking uncontrollably. I gently guided her towards the forest, rubbing circles into her left shoulder with my fingers; although I was about to go mentally insane, she needed to be completely at ease, if I didn't want this situation to get any worse. She didn't seem to be experiencing or showing typical features of…

_She's not an example in a text book Carlisle!_ I snapped at myself.

"I'm fine" she croaked. "Leave me here and go deal with him, please. I'll be fine." Her voice was so small and insignificant when compared to the sounds of the wind that I strained to hear her words, yet again. The pleading, desperate look in her eyes conveyed easily what she thought without any words however.

I hesitated, looking from her to the house twice. Esme dropped to the floor; she sat crossed-legged, pulling grass from the floor and scattering it around her legs. She looked down in a daze; I guessed she was trying to make sense of what just happened and what her exact thoughts on the situation were. Even now, she appeared so graceful.

I touched her shoulder attentively and raced back to the scene. This time Edward was pacing up and down the room, fidgeting with his fingers. His head shot up as soon as he felt my presence. Then he looked down, a puzzled expression smeared across his face.

"I just don't understand…" he mused.

"Understand what, Edward?" I said, un-necessarily. Actually speaking out loud seemed more appropriate and polite than answering him in my head.

"I feel so…so…right!" His eyes shot to mine, the flicker of excitement daring to escape through them.

"Now, son. I know you must feel very different after the changes your body has just been subjected to. But it's ok, I understand, we all make mistakes" I coaxed and edged forward an inch.

"A mistake?!" He asked, incredulously.

"Well…yes. You realise what you did, don't you?" I was as puzzled as he looked.

"I killed a fucking monster. You know, the guy that hurt Esme for months? That tormented her to all that sick, demoralising, perverted-" he rambled.

"Yes" I interjected. "That's what I'm saying. It could have been dealt with more" I struggled to find the word, "fairly."

"FAIRLY?! He could have killed the woman you _love_, and all you can think about is how I treated him so unfairly?" He imitated my voice, "Ooooh, don't hurt Charles, we can't possibly get rid of the wife-beating, pond life SCUM, in case it hurts his feelings!" Edward yelled angrily.

He was so frustrated now that his hands were balled up against his sides. Suddenly he raised them above his head, bringing them down forcefully against the kitchen table behind him. The four legs buckled under the impact and the entire thing went crashing to the floor. I needed to keep my distance at the moment and try to calm him down. It didn't matter whether I won the argument at the given moment or not, all that mattered was that I calmed Edward and made sure everyone was safe.

"I mean…it's not like he was innocent. It wasn't an unprovoked attack; I didn't attack a baby, or an innocent woman minding her own business. You've got to understand Carlisle" he practically begged.

"Ok, ok son. It'll be fine. We can talk about this when we get home." I desperately tried to keep the freight from my voice.

My mind gave me away.

Edward turned, disgusted for some reason, to look at the blood drenched corpse in the corner. I followed his eyes, and saw a slight smile appear on his face.

"I made quite a mess, didn't I?"

"Edward…" I was beginning to think that vampires could go crazy. Edward was acting extremely strangely and I didn't know why.

"I can read minds Carlisle! I have a gift that none of the rest of us have. I know who's good and who's bad! I can choose the bad ones, only feed off them. It'll be ok then" he rambled excitedly.

"Have I taught you nothing?!" My voice rose involuntarily. His eyes snapped shut, his fingers pinched the base of his nose, and his head was bowed in concentration. Edward was fighting against the two sides of him; he knew which one was morally right. What he was trying to work out was the path he wanted to follow. Just like he had been doing just before he drank Charles' blood.

Now I realised why he hesitated for the time he did. Though it was nothing considerable, a human would barely notice, for us a lot of thinking could take place in those few milliseconds. If the attack had been caused simply by the blood-lust taking over his mind, then Edward would have reacted instantly, there would be no time or space for thought. His limbs would have moved almost without his knowing, until it was too late. It became clear that although he was obviously affected by the raging fire in his throat once the blood was spilled; but that's not why he attacked. This was a conscious choice that he made coherently.

I physically wretched.

His reaction to the thoughts in my head merely confirmed them. He looked ashamed for disappointing me, for going against everything I tried to teach him. I naively thought it would be enough to stop him on this quest for rebellion and what his body most desired.

I was wrong.

* * *

**Esme PoV**

The water cascaded over my body, down my back. I felt each droplet trickle towards the back of my calves, coming to a near stand-still at the base of my heels until they made impact with the floor of the bath and travelled on their new journey down the plug. I put the jug down and wiped the water from my face.

Twelve hours, thirty seven minutes and ten seconds had passed since he darted from the house like an escaped convict, leaving Carlisle to dispose of my now ex-husbands' body. I didn't know whether to be relieved or repulsed.

Charles was gone. He could never hurt me or anyone else ever again. For that I was happy. The fact he was killed so brutally, by my adopted son, did not relieve me.

The look on Edward's face when we entered the room again after he'd finished, I had never seen anything like it. He looked like a vampire was supposed to. Now I understood all the supposed "tales". They were not lies like I had once hoped.

My thoughts were too dense and too many for my brain to cope with. I let out a tearless sob and Carlisle's tender voice instantly filled the room from outside the door.

"Esme, love. Are you ok?" The frantic voice was back. His mood had been changing from terrified and panicky to withdrawn, reserved and silent every few minutes.

For some reason he thought his concerns and thoughts needed to be with me at this moment. I disagreed. I had wanted to chase after Edward as soon as I sense his scent move from the house to the East and then disappear. Carlisle insisted Edward's mind would not be changed by him now. He got to work disposing of the body straight away, then we came home. Carlisle said nothing to me of what happened in the house, except for that he tried to calm Edward down, but he shot off before Carlisle really had the chance to make any progress. The main focus of his attention was spent worrying about me, saying we needed to get home and I needed to hunt right away. He mused constantly over how I managed to not shove Edward out of the way and ravish Charles for myself.

I didn't want any part of him inside of me again, I had answered. Carlisle shut up pretty quickly after that.

I grabbed my towel, wrapped it around my body, tucked it under my armpits and stormed out the door, almost knocking Carlisle down as I did so. I spun around on my heels to face him and cocked my eye-brow in frustration.

"Wha…da…" Carlisle was speechless. He probably thought I was coming on to him. Huh, a few hours ago maybe. But now! What the hell was he thinking? Leaving Edward in this state to just worry and fester over what he'd done! Edward needed re-assurance, guidance, support, for God's sake!

"Why are we sat here doing _nothing _when our son is out there suffering and beating himself up about what he's done? We need to help him Carlisle!" I shot the words like bullets in his direction and waited for them to hit.

"Edward is certainly not beating himself up about what happened" Carlisle mumbled.

"What?! What are you talking about? I saw the innocent look on his face after he acted! He couldn't control it Carlisle! You know how difficult it is, you can't condemn him for one mistake. He was angry and upset, he acted in the first way that came to mind and didn't think –" I screeched out.

"He did enough thinking afterwards Esme. You don't know what went on once I went back into the house. He was not guilty, he thought Charles deserved it…he wants to use his gift to pick out the 'bad' people and only kill them." He stated almost matter-of-factly.

"How can you speak about this with so little emotion? Why don't you want to go find him? He's not thinking straight, you know that!" I glared at him as I spat the words.

"Precisely. He's not thinking straight, so how are we meant to rectify the situation?" I could tell my words had struck a chord by the disenchanted look upon his face.

I huffed, like a teenage girl, and pouted. He was breaking my resolve with his damn logic.

"I still think we should go find him, he could be anywhere!" I said. I felt as vulnerable as Edward had looked in the house. A thousand emotions flooded through my body and I felt exhausted.

"He'll come back when he's ready" Carlisle huffed.

"He's not a DOG!" I screamed. "He has feelings and emotions, no matter how irrational they are at the moment, just like _me_!" I stormed back into the bathroom and slammed the door in Carlisle's face.

I was well aware that I was throwing a childish fit like a spoiled brat. I was a woman for hell's sake! What was wrong with me? Everything swamped my mind yet again. Why was I thinking about what I wanted from Carlisle when Edward was in such danger and pain? I allowed my body to slump against the sink basin, resting my hands on the side as if supporting my body. I was filled with need, frustration and want.

Another cracked sob escaped my lips and part of the marble came off in my clenched hand.

The door creaked open, I turned round to face the most beautiful topaz eyes. I started to speak, god knows' what I would've managed to say, but he stopped me. I felt his smooth, warm hand trace my jaw line, cup under my chin and raise my head up to his face. I just stared at him like I was brain-dead, in fact, I might well-have been. The intensity was so hot it probably could have easily frazzled brain cells.

My lips quivered and I prayed this was not a dream, not a wild imagination of my mind, tricking me into believing I was in heaven.

He eyes probed mine, I hoped they found what he was looking for. He edged forward, hesitating only slightly, but enough to make me mad with anticipation. I feared that at any moment Carlisle would pull away and reject me, wonder what he was thinking and never come near me again.

But then his lips were on mine. He moved one of my hands up around his neck because I must've been clutching onto my towel with dear life. I allowed my lips to part and that's the last thing I was able to consciously do for a long time.

It felt like I was human again, like I was dreaming one of the most perfect dreams imaginable. That was a lie, I could never have imagined something so amazing as this.

Every thought dissipated out of my head the moment he touched me.

He curled his tongue up over the inside of my top lip and I melted into oblivion.

* * *

_Thank you for writing if you got this far! Review, please! Tell me what you liked and what you didn't like! _


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Sorry, sorry sorry sorry. It took me forever to write this, I kinda got stuck...and I'm not 100% happy with it, but meh. Leave me lots and lots of reviews and tell me lots of lovely things =D ha._

* * *

**Carlisle PoV**

Our lips did not crash into each other with a force that almost knocked me off my feet. I was not overcome by passion so intense that I urgently ripped the clothes from my back and peeled the towel off her lovely curves. We did not tear at each other's clothes or allow our hands to frantically roam each others' bodies in search of something to quench our sexual thirst. It was no cliché; it was not what had been described to me before as a first kiss.

Though, I was not a pubescent young man any longer. I was almost 200 years old…and Esme was 24. When you think of it like that, it does sound a little sick.

For once when I touched her, my mind did not go blank; it had the opposite effect. I felt everything I knew I should feel, I felt love, acceptance, want, desire, happiness, anxiousness, fear, determination, commitment, trust and respect all at once. My mind was flooded, saturated with memories and thoughts, wishes and desires, fears and every other thing imaginable. She made me feel alive again. As if by sharing this one kiss, she transferred her life to me.

I was instead, overcome by the purest love imaginable. I decided there and then that I would never hurt my Esme in any way, shape or form. She would always consciously be given the right to decide what happened in her life. I would never give up on her, never stop following and protecting her. I was hers', fully. But I would not pressure her into giving herself to me.

I had waited so long for my little corner of heaven that I would do anything to hold onto it.

I thought life was good before, but I had been wrong, I just didn't know how much better it could get. I knew then that if Esme were ever to be taken away from me, life would not be worth living.

A thousand shock waves coursed through my body. Knowing that Esme wanted me the same way I wanted her was the best feeling I had ever known.

I let my hand rest lightly on the right hand side of her neck. On her scar. My scar. I moved my hand slowly to brush a stray piece of her wet, caramel hair back behind her ear. She nuzzled her head into my neck and I felt her warm breath caress my skin.

"Carlisle" she sighed. "I didn't know you felt-"

"I love you. I always have, from the moment I set eyes on you, laid there so helpless in front of me, I needed to look after you, to protect you. I still feel that need Esme, and I think I always will." My emotional outburst shocked me a little, I had opened my mouth without fully knowing what I was about to say.

My lips deceived me and let out the feelings I had been trying to hide for the last few months. But when Esme had said that she had feelings and emotions, when her eyes bore into mine for that brief moment, I knew that I had to act on my feelings. I wanted to act. I needed to show her that, so did I; and really, what did I have to lose? Esme was such a kind soul that even if she did not feel in any way inclined to me, then she would deal with the situation more than graciously.

"I love you too" was all she said. She lightly pecked my neck and I felt a smile curve her lips.

I rocked her child-like in my arms and enjoyed the smell of her hair. It was a mixture of honey, summer air, falling rain and oddly enough, fresh pillows. I chuckled to myself and she returned the gesture; I felt charged. As if all my existence I had simply been running on an almost empty battery.

Esme stirred in my arms and gently took a step away from my embrace. I physically felt as though a part of me had been ripped away. I shook my head lightly at this alien feeling and smiled broadly. She giggled and patted my shoulder playfully.

"How very rude of you, Dr. Cullen" Esme cocked her eye-brow then burst out laughing. I knew the gesture of seductiveness was foreign to her.

I did not allow my amusement to become evident within my facial features. I plastered my best serious look onto my face and drummed my fingers on the side of my chin in fake concentration.

"I just wanted to check that my patient was feeling ok. You haven't breathed in a while…" I added with the most innocence I could muster.

Her giggle had my mouth moving into a wide smile unconsciously and I half-cursed my body for reacting to suddenly, without warning; until I realised that I liked not having all the control in the world.

I felt for the first time, that I could let go, be myself completely and actually enjoy acting how I wanted around another person.

* * *

**Esme PoV**

Too right I hadn't breathed. My mind was finding it difficult enough to muster enough strength to form coherent thoughts, let alone the concentration it would take to make myself breathe. I feared that if I allowed myself to move, then the animal in me would take over and I would pounce on Carlisle and accidently bite his face off. Not good.

After our little…encounter, (I giggled outwardly at the thought) Carlisle had excused himself so that I could get dressed; being as I was still barely covered by a bath towel. Usually the idea would have been too mortifying to bear, but my head was so far up in cloud nine that I dismissed my worries.

I danced and flittered around the bedroom happily. I imagined I was a butterfly, all I had to do was flap my wings and I would be able to take off and a fly. It felt as though that might be possible at the given moment. My mind composed itself as I reached for the handle on the wardrobe.

I seriously was in need of some new clothes; all I came into this life with was the bloodied, mangled shreds that covered my equally repulsive body. Carlisle had dashed out to get me a few basics after my transformation, taking longer than the trip itself to prep Edward about looking after me.

_Edward._ My heart felt on fire again. My smile faded and I hung my head in shame. I had literally been widowed less than 24 hours ago and here I was throwing myself into a steamy scene in the bathroom with Carlisle. My son had ran away, ashamed of himself, lost, confused and upset…yet here I was dancing around lightly as if nothing had occurred. The latter plagued my mind much more than tiny flicker of guilt for Charles did.

I yanked the doors open, ripping the left one completely off the hinges by accident. I still hadn't completely mastered controlling my strength; sometimes I got a little carried away and pre-occupied, then things went wrong. I had already accidently tore several of Carlisle's books up by merely attempting to turn the pages.

The wardrobe was full. My brow furrowed in confusion as I stared intently at the wrack of clothes displayed in front of me.

"I, I stopped off at a store on my way home from the hospital the other day. I wasn't sure what size you were, or what types of things you like…I mean, I don't really know about these things, so I apologise if-" Carlisle stammered from behind me.

I snapped round to see him leaning awkwardly against the door frame, fumbling with his fingers as his spoke. I wondered how long he'd been watching me, but felt myself enjoying knowing that he had.

"Thank you, very much Carlisle. What a lovely gesture." My words brimmed over my growing smile. "I think I've broken your wardrobe though" my voice hitched slightly and his eyes quickly scanned the room until he found the door slumped on the floor.

He chuckled and shook his head in an amused gesture.

"It happened a lot with Edward in the first few weeks. I've had to dress him a few times before; he'd tear all the buttons off his shirts trying to get them on. But you know how moody and stressed he can get if he doesn't get his way." I could tell that his body instantly shuddered at the thought and name of Edward.

Carlisle sighed, his intense gaze found my eyes as he stepped forward to caress the skin in-between my shoulder and neck.

"I am sorry for speaking to you in the manner that I did earlier. I had no right to take my anger and frustration out on you, Esme." He truly looked ashamed at himself.

Why, I had no idea. I was the one who had acted inappropriately, putting my own selfish feelings before those that should have been my main priority.

"Carlisle, it's fine, I was the one who-"

He glared for a second then re-arranged his features to a more neutral expression. "No, don't you apologize. You did nothing wrong Esme. I do not wish to sound patronising, but you are very young. You have only just started out in this life of ours and you are coping astonishingly well. I, on the other hand, have no excuse for my behaviour. You were correct in re-addressing the thought of how Edward is feeling in my mind." His beautiful lips darted open and closed frantically, though I understood every word.

The idea that only a few months ago my human ears would not have been able to hear, let alone comprehend, his actions and words completely fascinated me. Once again my train of thought wandered off into its own dimension. I figured the lack of concentration and focus was a typical and normal thing for new-borns, still, it annoyed me to no end.

"It's ok, don't worry" I soothed.

Carlisle sighed and lowered his head as if defeated to rest it on my shoulder. I reached up to brush my lips against his forehead. As he breathed out I felt his warm breath drift along my skin and shuddered in pleasure at the unfamiliar sensation.

* * *

**Edward PoV**

I had so much more room to think. Although we could never physically tire, I felt awake, alive, as if I had an abundance of energy that exceeded what I could ever imagine when only drinking animal blood. I pushed my legs faster and soon I failed to even feel my feet hitting the floor.

I flew through the forest at such a speed that made me wonder if it was possibly the best feeling in the world. I felt the speed empower me; there was definitely nothing that could compare to this feeling, nothing I'd experienced anyway. I could feel that monster's blood run through my veins and I wanted more.

My feet slowed instinctively as I edged nearer to the end of the canopy of trees around me. With my senses heightened, I could smell the human blood pumping through the bodies over two miles away. I pressed on until the deafening sound of beating hearts filled my ears and almost consumed my thoughts.

The animal took over. It felt as though I'd flipped a switch in my brain and suddenly the adrenaline rushed to my head. I swallowed four times to get rid of the venom pooling in my mouth, to no avail. I knew what I needed. This time I would not deny myself of what was truly mine. We were created this way for a reason.

I stalked down the street for a few minutes, trying my best to set a near human pace for myself. I took the alleyways because I didn't want to see a person and attack them without thinking about it. I had promised myself that I would only use the worst of people, those who deserved to be dead, to quench my thirst.

I stopped breathing because every few seconds a fresh wave of scent would hit my nostrils and it was difficult to restrain myself. My eyes darted from face to face, trying to match the internal voice to the person. I lurked down the alleyways watching people pass me by from the shadows. I was a true predator, but nothing else mattered than getting their blood.

I searched the minds of dozens of people, but found nothing sinister. The need was getting stronger, several times I had to stop in order to compose myself; it had been less than twelve hours since I last had a taste of human blood and already my entire body craved for more.

This was much more difficult that I expected. But then I heard what I was looking for. My stomach almost lurched at what he was thinking of doing to his wife when he got home. The drink-induced fuzz that clouded his thoughts clearly had an affect on his body. The man staggered past me, dragging his left hand against the wall to support himself.

_Ee's a fucking weird one. I don't know what ee's looking at…maybe I'll 'ave to sort 'im out… _

My allowed my teeth to show fully, it helped to capacitate my growing grin. The irony was so potent that I was certain I would have normally fallen about laughing.

I barely had time to think before I was on the move.

My feet moved from underneath me. I didn't even have time to see his scared expression as I slammed him against the wall and dragged his body to the floor, crawling on top of him like a feral animal. I'm not certain whether the impact of the smash killed him, or if it was simply blood loss. Either way, he didn't last long.

Too soon I was pushing his drained corpse away from my arms. I hadn't even checked to see if anyone else was around before my teeth were submerged into his delicate skin. Luckily we were alone, though I realised I had no idea what to do with his body.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah. Tell me what you think. I hate the fact you guys make me beg, btw lol. I've got waaaaay more hits on this story than I have reviews. Seriously people, just leave a few words. Tell me how to improve and the aspects and parts you liked or disliked the most if you have time. Thanks for reading =)_


	8. Chapter 8

**

* * *

**

A/N: Ok, so I guess not much happens in this chapter, but I felt that some things needed addressing. Esme just couldn't help telling you about what she's feeling :P

**Please review. I know you guys are reading...and what I really don't understand, is people that add this story to their favourites or alerts...but never review. Reviews really do inspire me and give me ideas for upcoming chapters, so I wish you'd all just drop by and say a few things. **

**A big thanks to Lia-finn, you really don't know how much your comments help and delight me :)**

* * *

**Esme PoV**

We had gone searching for Edward that first night he failed to return. After Carlisle's apology he admitted that he was too wrapped up in his own feelings of guilt to properly address the issue. He had said that he'd stuck his head in the sand and wished for everything to be ok. It was the first time I'd seen Carlisle act insecure and restless and I knew that it was probably the first time he'd ever allowed anyone to see him in that way for a very long time.

After the first few hours of frantically searching through the surrounding forests for even a glimpse of his scent, I became terrified. I didn't mean to voice my fears, Carlisle was stressed enough. But I just couldn't help myself, everything was building up inside and I needed release.

"Where is he Carlisle? What is he doing?" I almost became hysterical.

This sudden change in circumstances and atmosphere affected me greatly, though Carlisle already warned me it would. _Vampires do not adjust well to change_, he had commented.

As we pressed on throughout the night my mind began to wander again, but this time I allowed it. Carlisle had been silent for a long while, focusing on the task in hand I assumed. I began to think how strange it was that I called Edward my son, _our _son. I had always called him it, after the first few days. It didn't seem strange at the time, just the natural thing to do. But now I wondered what had made me call him that; did I feel like we were a ready-made family from the start?

Calling Edward _our_ son made a fraction of me a bit giddy. From the beginning I had referred to myself as a Mother and Carlisle as a Father; had I assumed we would always end up together? I remember seeing his face, elated, when we first hunted.

He had practically shone with pride and happiness when I took down an Elk, and chuckled to himself lightly when I growled ferociously at Edward when he got too close. Of course, I apologised profoundly, but the boys just laughed and assured me it was completely normal. Edward had talked to me in depth about what to expect and how he handled certain things. It really did help having another vampire who had been a new-born very recently around. Carlisle did his best and he was very supportive, but it had been so long since he was this age that he felt that Edward was much better at explaining things. He also told me that when he had been transformed he felt so disgusted with himself for so long that his bearing on being a new-born was probably different to my scale and perspective of things.

Carlisle set up special training days to help me with controlling my strength, speed, hunger and teaching me how to act like a human. Apparently the latter was barely necessary. Carlisle commented in amazement how much humanity I had brought with me to this life. I found it natural to move around, fidget, change my posture and to breathe. They both said that new-borns often forgot to breathe or act normally, so I was fairly proud of myself for at least not having that added complication.

Things got a little more complicated when it came to feeding; I was constantly thirsty. Carlisle had said that this was normal, but that he was taking me to hunt more often than he had with Edward in the first few months. However, he commented that as long as I was comfortable and satisfied, then it didn't matter how many times we hunted, just as long as everyone was safe.

Carlisle took a lot of time questioning me about how I felt, what I was feeling and how I thought about all the things new to me. One day we were sitting in his office and he took out a brown notebook. He began to write my words down intently, almost as soon as they left my mouth. He had written similar things concerning Edwards first few months. For research and reference purposes he assured me. Carlisle was fascinated with me; he explained that he had spent very little time with female new-borns, though he did have female vampire friends. I was the first new-born woman he had ever spent any considerable time with; he always apologised for treating me like a test-subject, but I never really minded too much.

I looked over to Carlisle and wondered if this was the beginning of something incredible, though I already knew the answer deep down. He had informed me early on that when changes in a vampire's life happened, then it was usually for the long-term. I hoped this was not the exception to the rule.

My eyes studied this perfect being to the right of me. He had been the first vampire he knew of to ever consider living on anything other than humans; he made the change. Carlisle made the first step towards humanity and morals for Vampires. Others followed, that's how he came to know the Denali clan, he had helped them set up their vegetarianism, encouraging them and re-assuring them if they ever slipped up.

How did he have so much patience? Carlisle was the most compassionate, caring, honest and trusting creature I had ever had the honour of meeting. I was in complete awe of him. I wondered why he of all people would ever be interested in me, but still he gazed into my eyes, searching but not pushing. I felt that after I opened up to him about Charles and Joseph, we began a new frontier to our relationship as friends. He was my mate, I knew it. Now that we had come together and shared such a perfect moment, I didn't think it was possible to ever move backwards. The fact he knew about my past almost as well as I did, and still wanted me, gave me goose bumps.

A strand of Carlisle's blonde hair fell in front of his perfectly sculptured face as we came to a stand-still at the edge of the forest. His brow furrowed and I could tell he was in deep concentration. He wandered around intently, sniffing the air, the trees, looking for any clues or things to point towards Edward's presence here. He circled around the clearing, only moving about fifty yards away from me at any given time, and all I could do was stare. My eyes watched enthusiastically with a sense of longing as he inspected the area fully. I felt as though I was grounded to the spot, as if I would be content just stood observing him for the rest of my eternity. Then another part of me screamed to touch him, that I _needed_ him.

As quickly as I had thought the words, I was stood directly in front of him. My chest heaved un-necessarily, panting from the shock of the movement; I swear I hadn't told my legs to move. He smiled kindly and reached for my hand.

"I'm sorry Esme. I don't mean to neglect you, I just…" His voice trailed off as he shook his head in frustration. "I need to find Edward. I'm worried as to where he is now. He's taken off running once or twice before for some time alone, but he's never been gone this long." Carlisle looked defeated as he mumbled the words.

I didn't know what to say, so instead I gently wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. Without a thought my fingers began to run circles through his silky hair and I felt my breathing hitch once again at the foreign feeling of intimacy. No-one had ever been this gentle and open with me.

I pulled back slightly to look into his gorgeous, sparkling eyes, but still kept my hold around his neck.

"We'll find him, I'm sure. Don't worry. We've got forever to look for him." I whispered, uncertain as to whether I was re-assuring myself or Carlisle.

* * *

**Carlisle PoV**

Esme's tight hold on my neck was making it difficult for me to concentrate. I knew I should be enjoying this new development fully, I should be re-assuring her, making _my_ Esme feel comfortable and paying her attention. But at the same time I should be obsessed with finding my son and making sure he was safe. My mind was trying to focus on both parts; but it was impossible to be elated at the returned feelings from Esme and to be concerned and sick with worry over Edward both at the same time. I was stuck in between, which meant that my mood and focus was shifting every few minutes. I was having problems keeping up.

"I think we should break up" Esme calmly stated.

_WHAT?!_ My mind practically leaped out of my ears in protest.

We hadn't even discussed our relationship so how could she be breaking up with me? I thought she said…

Then I took a rational look at the situation and Esme's face; she was scowling slightly, probably in confusion as to why I appeared as though I'd just had a heart attack. I almost burst out laughing at myself. She clearly meant for us to separate to look for Edward. I was absolutely foolish. The excitement and new feelings were doing things to my brain, I suddenly felt like the most ridiculous Vampire in the world.

"Well, I don't really want to leave you Esme. That could prove to be dangerous." I added, trying my best to sound like a rational, sane man. She was doing strange things to me.

"I thought I could go back home just in case Edward decided to come back and look for us there. That way you can keep looking for him out here without worrying about not being in two places at once. Also, that way it's surely much safer for any humans we might come across?" She tilted her head in concern to stare at me. "Carlisle, are you ok?" She enquired sceptically.

Wow. Esme was clearly going to wear the pants in this relationship. I liked that idea. I often underestimated her intelligence and capacity simply because she was a new-born. I would definitely have to stop that.

"Yes, I'm fine" I lied. "Brilliant idea. I was just a little taken aback with your plotting skills" I smiled. "I'll run home with you and then take off to the North instead, seen as there isn't any trace of him here" I sighed and the heartache returned.

What was he doing? I really hoped that he'd come to his senses and return home. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that didn't believe so. From the way Edward was talking after he killed Charles, it seemed as though he might be gone for a long time. I never imagined that my son would become the complete opposite of everything I strived to perfect.

But it wasn't Edward's fault. He was still very young in relation to me, and who was I to impose my beliefs on him anyway? Though I might disapprove, this was Edward's life, he could do whatever he wanted. Perhaps I'd been too strict on him and he'd had enough. Maybe this was his way of rebelling. I should've made it clearer that he was not obliged to think exactly like me. That I might not be happy about it if he chose to change his diet, but I'd always love him and care about his safety.

All I wanted was for him to come home safe. I know it sounds preposterous because it's so very difficult to kill a Vampire, but the possibilities ran through my mind too fast for me to dwell on an individual one for too long. I hoped he hadn't killed any other humans, but I couldn't smell him anywhere near the house or the forest we'd explored already.

I'd have to go back to Esme's old house and start out there. His scent wouldn't be very strong any longer, but it was my best shot.

* * *

**Esme's PoV**

I'd practically had to shove Carlisle out of the door in order to get him to go. He spent at least fifteen minutes talking about how he didn't want to leave me, what I should do if anything happened and how I shouldn't move from the house. Then he spent an additional five minutes apologising for treating me like a child and telling me what to do and what not to do. His sincerity really did make me smile.

As soon as he was gone I went to the one room in the house that I adored but got to spend very little time in. Carlisle's office. I lazily ran my hand over his dark oak desk, tracing my fingers into the small scratches and creases in the wood. I sat in his old wooden chair, allowing my head to loll back, closing my eyes and actually being still for the first time in what seemed like forever.

I could smell his scent so strongly that it made my head buzz. I missed him already and it had only been a few minutes since he'd sprinted off, turning his head back twice to steal another glance at me. I realised that since I had been changed the longest amount of time I'd ever spent away from him was when I waited for him to speak to Edward in my old house. We had moved to another house that Carlisle already owned further north in Ohio practically as soon as I was changed. We were almost on the border of Michigan; consequently, it was close to where I used to live with Charles, which had made it even more difficult to hide my feelings from Carlisle and Edward.

Carlisle had given up work to look after me, as Edward wasn't old enough yet to be looking after me as well as himself. Even though he'd only been unemployed for a very short time, I knew it was getting to Carlisle. He constantly put others first, his passion was to help as many people as possible. Carlisle was sure that he did not have a special talent like Edward or some other Vampires, but I disagreed. Being completely selfless was a very special gift in my opinion.

The study was completely spotless, everything had its own special place. Carlisle was almost as obsessed of cleanliness and tidiness as me, almost. On the left hand side of the room, stood a wall-length bookcase that Edward made. All the books were categorised and then placed alphabetically, although Carlisle would be able to find anything, even in an unfamiliar room, within two seconds. I drummed my fingers against the side of the chair.

I'm not sure why the thought occurred to me, but I made my way slowly, practicing my human speed, to Edward's room. The rush of emotion hit me as soon as I opened the door and stepped inside. I curled myself up on his bed, taking the shirt he had left laid out and holding it to my face. I tearlessly sobbed for hours into the only thing I had left of him.

* * *

**Carlisle PoV**

I'd been following his scent for two and a half hours. I'd managed to follow it directly from Charles' house. I was no tracker, but I was so familiar with Edward's scent that it didn't prove as difficult as I expected. At first Edward just seemed to run, his trail was erratic and he clearly had no planned route or destination. But then he changed direction to a nearby town. My mind buzzed in terror as I tried to hold on the small piece of hope I still had left. I kept waiting for the trail to take another direction, displaying when he must've come to his senses and turned back away from this settlement. It didn't.

His scent was all over the alleyway. As was the smell of dry blood that surrounded the area. There was only one streak of blood that ran from shoulder height straight down to the ground. Although I desperately didn't want to believe so; this was Edward's work. The frenzy had began and I knew now that I would not stop until I found him. I had seen this happen many times to Vampires who had attempted our diet, but then relapsed.

The only thing that shocked me was the lack of a body.

* * *

****

**A/N: Be nice. This was a fairly quick update for me. Review, or I'll throw a hissy fit =D**


End file.
